It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
