I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
