Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
40s are totally the cure
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
