yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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