do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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