i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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