Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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