she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
So apparently I’m into choking now
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