Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
