why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm always down for nudity.
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