you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
