About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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