Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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