it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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