how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
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