not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
