Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
