Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
