Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Randomize
