make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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