apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
