What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
