Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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