planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
40s are totally the cure
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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