he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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