she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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