Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
