I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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