is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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