He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
