I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
