3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
