Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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