she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
