It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
