I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Randomize
