He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
