If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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