Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
