i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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