If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
