"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i would punch a child for taco bell
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Randomize
