I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
