I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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