Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
