i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
