you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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