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Fuck
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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