She just used a chaser for red wine.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
