they said they heard you say put it in my butt
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
