ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
