I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
