every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
