The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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