so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
