What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
