I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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